5 Things Your Therapist Wants You to Know
By Natalie Policani, LPCC
In high school, my friends and I relied on Cliffs Notes to quickly grasp the essentials of the lengthy novels required for English class. Although it couldn’t replace savoring a book chapter by chapter, it delivered the fundamentals quickly. This article works the same way, offering you a condensed version of some of therapy’s most valuable insights.
Whether you’re curious about therapy but haven’t taken the leap, looking for practical tools to complement your current sessions, or simply wanting to improve your mental wellness, these five concepts can make a real difference that you can incorporate into your daily life.
1. Emotional Regulation Skills
We’ve all experienced emotions that get the best of us, whether you’re exploding in anger, dissolving into uncontrollable tears or spiraling into worry. By labeling and expressing your emotion, you can diffuse the energy; start by saying, “I feel angry when X happens.” This simple act of naming your emotion begins to diffuse its power over you. From there, you can think through the logic of why you are feeling that way, using techniques like Dialectical Behavior Therapy’s (DBT) wise mind. Sometimes you may need to step away to a quiet place, take deep breaths or journal to process and release what you’re feeling.
2. Nervous System Reset
Stress and trauma can cause our nervous systems to become dysregulated. When your body perceives a threat, your sympathetic nervous system kicks into “fight or flight” mode, flooding you with adrenaline. Your parasympathetic nervous system serves as the counterbalance, calming the system, promoting relaxation and recovery.
While some stress is healthy, it can become problematic when we get stuck in fight-or-flight. Fortunately, you can intentionally activate your calming response through:
- Breathword
- Physical movement
- Time in nature
- Connection with supportive people
Think of these as reset buttons for your overwhelmed system.
3. Relaxation Techniques
Having regular ways to unwind and relax prevents stress from accumulating in our bodies. The movement and breathwork in yoga can help release physical and mental tension. Mindfulness is another powerful strategy. It’s the practice of intentionally slowing down and becoming aware of your surroundings.
Try taking a walk in nature and engaging all five senses: hear a bird, feel the breeze and see the sky. By anchoring yourself in the present moment, you free yourself from worries about the future or ruminating on the past.
4. Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy
The average human has about 6,000 thoughts a day, according to a 2020 study from Queen’s University in Canada. If the majority of those thoughts are negative, then it becomes very difficult to shape a positive reality.
This is where Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) becomes transformative. CBT is a form of treatment that guides you to identify your thinking patterns, isolate the negative thoughts and consciously reframe them. Ask yourself: Is this thought positive? Is it realistic? Is it true?
By challenging and replacing negative thought patterns, you can fundamentally shift your mental landscape and emotional experience.
5. Attachment Theory
Attachment theory offers profound insights into your relationship patterns. This framework helps you examine past attachment wounds and experiences, identify your attachment style and understand its impact on how you relate to others.
- If you tend to withdraw during conflict, you might have an avoidant attachment style.
- If you become anxious and seek constant reassurance, you might have an anxious attachment style.
Education and targeted tools can guide you to navigate these patterns and build more satisfying, secure relationships.
While nothing replaces the personalized guidance of working with a therapist, these fundamentals offer actionable starting points for positive change. And if these concepts resonate with you, consider them an invitation to explore the deeper, transformative work that therapy can provide.